Rhys's 2nd Birthday!

I don't even know where to begin.
And so I sit here, just staring at the screen, wanting so badly to be able to take this storm of feelings and find words that are worthy.

 For starters, we'll use Bryan Adams'.   Yep...I'm going there.  Because these words are playing everyday I grab little man out of his crib...the moment I pull him close and kiss his head.

When you love someone, you'll do anything.
You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain.
You'll shoot the moon. Put out the sun. When you love someone.


Rhys's 2nd birthday was a bit like his actual birth day--planned and prepped with anticipation of perfection. But like all things Vian, planning and prepping just doesn't make a difference.   It wasn't the way it was supposed to go but, turns out, it really was.








And while the house wasn't quite as ready for a party as I planned it to be...everyone came together and made it work (thanks Dad!). We had our village and our family. And that's all I ever need.

The rest is...well, cake...no carb/no sugar of course!

We all know what a birthday means.  A second birthday means he is no longer a baby, but a toddler. It's a medal of honor, a celebration, a flag at the peak of a summited mountain. It is a memory of that very day, and it is bittersweet. Mostly sweet, and a tad bitter...I struggled with the fact that Rhys didn't really comprehend that it was his birthday...his special day...and I hate that.  Like hate in the strongest sense of the word...it pisses me off.  Everyday is a funny, magical day to Rhys and I love that about him...but on his birthday I couldn't help but think about McCall and Bodie's 2nd birthday parties and be truly ticked off at that missing 15th chromosome.  Comparisons are not something I generally practice anymore, and I'm a little disappointed in myself... but nonetheless I held him close and cried at 7:25am.  Because I can't forget--don't want to forget--that second that changed my life.
No more Debbie Downer, just a moment of reflection and weakness...I'm allowed right?  Overall, I searched for moments of meaning and found them. I mined my heart for any rawness, any unsettled grief, and I guess I wasn't prepared to feel a bit sad.  But mostly? Mostly, I felt peace and love and contentment. The events of last couple of years have been sewn together seamlessly with our present, and I hardly recognize anymore where the past shifts into right now.

Happy Birthday to our beautiful, magical, much-loved little-man!


I keep coming back to this quote today...thank you Pinterest (I admit it I am very addicted...an intervention might be needed.)

Awareness born of love is the only force that can bring healing and renewal. Out of our love for another person, we become more willing to let our old identities wither and fall away, and enter a dark night of the soul, so that we may stand naked once more in the presence of the great mystery that lies at the core of our being. This is how love ripens us -by warming us from within, inspiring us to break out of our shell, and lighting our way through the dark passage to new birth. ~John Welwood

Basking in new birth today. Two days into his third year, and it's going to be good.

Feeling blessed and in love and grateful for every experience that continues to shape our family.