Potential

In yet another moment of deep self-analysis this weekend, I realized I am addicted to the euphoria associated with potential. Actually, it was more a moment of justifying that my house is never fully clean, a fact I excused with the idea that if it was perfectly clean, I wouldn't feel that rush that comes with a good project. And this is true. There's something creatively motivating about walking through piles of clutter, kicking random misplaced toys, passing by the fifteenth binky that Rhys plucked out of his mouth and tossed aside. Because simultaneously, I'm excitedly planning future attempts at managing clutter, how I'll paint some great bookshelf for the misplaced toys or scour a thrift shop for an old green glass jar that screams "binky holder." I know that not far off, there is a marvelous day awaiting where I will feel motivated to attack the cupboards under my bathroom sink or touch up the base boards, and what will follow will be pure satisfaction, family and friends gathered around my dining room table...in an impressively immaculate house. My heart beats a little faster just thinking about it, even if presently I'm hopscotching across the few tile squares that aren't littered with a lone sock, a broken crayon, and a hairbrush that never made it back to the bathroom drawer (and never will).

I thrive on possibility, I feed on potential.  This is the only justification I can give myself to why we are in the midst of a massive home renovation.  Exciting.  Scary. Exhausting.  But I feel like this home is already home.  I feel incredibly lucky to get to live in a home my grandpa built in 1962...a home where Rhys can move around and the kids can ride their bikes in the cul-de-sac.  It is so worth it...the potential is amazing.

This is our "before" kitchen

"In Processes" kitchen

soon to be Master bedroom and closet

My garage full of crap...looks like ours now!

But the potential is why I start planning holidays in June, contemplating Halloween costumes in August, and dreaming of pumpkin bread and Christmas shopping and just how many light strands we'll dangle on our gutters this year, months before it's time...because the thought of what we can do to make this year better than last thrills me. And potential drives me like no other force can. Again, I'm only telling myself this to calm my inner voice screaming "what the hell have you gotten yourselves in to?!?!?"

So in true Vian fashion, we are steaming towards the light at the end of the tunnel.  The renovations are coming along (thanks Dad!), Rhys is doing WONDERFUL on the keto diet (down to no more than 5 seizures a day--worlds better than the 10-15 an hour he was having before), and Bodie's 4th birthday was a blast.  Also in true Vian fashion, I'm late posting pictures of our fabulous Hawaiian vacation.  But I have been busy:)

So why the randomness?  Don't know...that's just me.  But I do know that I am excited for the future.  I'm dreaming of room makeovers, DIY projects and thinking about the potential that dwells in the coming months: late summer entertaining, pre fall rituals, trying new recipes, a new school year, putting up the Christmas tree, setting new goals for Rhys, and creating new dreams. I love that this form of happiness is free, available to anyone and customizable to all talents, all incomes, all ways of life. Everyone has potential.

You know what makes me insanely happy right now? (Happy or just plain crazy, I'm not quite sure which.)
The fact that I have so much on my to-do list, I don't know what to do next. That's potential at its finest.